There is an old story told about a young woman who, in fixing her first Sunday dinner for her new husband, cut the ends off of a pot roast, and threw the perfectly good meat into the garbage. Her husband asked her why she was throwing the good meat away.
She stared at him for a minute, and then shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know. It’s something my mother always did.”
Her husband scratched his head and said it didn’t seem to make a lot of sense to him.
So the young lady made a call to her mother. Her mother said, “I don’t know, honey. I always cut the ends off because I saw my mother do it.”
So then a call was placed to grandma, who was able to clarify things. “Sweetie, your mother saw me cut off the ends of a pot roast one Sunday because it was too big to fit in the roasting pan. I had to cut those ends off just because it wouldn’t have otherwise fit. I had no idea she was even watching me!”
“Well, Grandma,” the young woman said, “Mom has tossed out a lot of good meat through the years. But we won’t do it anymore!” Story found here: https://thedisciplemd.com/the-family-pot-roast/
We inevitably inherit traditions, ways of thinking and a myriad of other qualities from our family of origin as exemplified in the story above. Some are incredibly useful and others are not useful in any way. As moms (and dads), I believe it’s our job to unearth these inherited traits/habits and intentionally decide whether or not we want to pass them to our children.
One of the most common characteristics I’ve seen handed down to almost every mom that I’ve ever talked to is “mom guilt.” We tend to feel bad for everything that isn’t the way we think it should be in our children’s life. We take responsibility for so many things that aren’t ours to own.
In fact, I’ve met quite a few moms that won’t allow themselves to read for fun because they think they shouldn’t as it takes away from what they could be doing with their kids or for their families. I’ve seem some moms who feel bad about not spending time with their kids who end up trying to buy their kids more stuff to try and remedy the situation. Guilt can and often creates a shame cycle which makes us absolutely ineffective for our families.
So, do we try to get rid of guilt completely? No. It’s impossible. We can however create a new habit triggered the guilt that comes to us so very often. Instead of going down “guilt avenue” only to feel worse and end up behaving in ways that push us away from who we want to be, we can attach it to a powerful, useful question that we ask ourselves. That question might be: what would love do in this situation (love for both myself and my children)? We each inevitably have our own question that will motivate us to then act proactively, it’s just a matter of finding it.
I would love to conclude this by inviting you to identify your inherited “pot roast” habits. Once you’ve figured them out, find a powerful question that you can ask yourself each time guilt (or any other unwanted and un-useful feeling) comes up. This is our work if we want to break the dysfunctional cycles in our families, momma’s.
And if you need help excavating these unseen habits or beliefs that have been handed down to you, I would be honored to explore this in a complimentary coaching session. Sign up here: https://linktr.ee/jenniferoneycoaching.
Jenniferoney.com 